Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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