my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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