Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
