It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
vagina is talking i cant
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
