I love black thongs
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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