How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
