FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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