she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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