Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
