last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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