i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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