um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
