Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
