If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
