I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
