Moan for me like Helen Keller
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize