I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
