Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
