He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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