you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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