party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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