Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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