I hope mine doesn't look like that
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
