Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am midnight drunk by noon
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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