i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
