Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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