Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
