I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
