sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
