Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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