Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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