according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
