I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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