I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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