I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
