Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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