The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
