I hate your face
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
