Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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