you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
