She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
