franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
