are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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