I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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