did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
