you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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