I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
