It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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