I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
