I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
