dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
