did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
