her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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