Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
