i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
