he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
