haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
