I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
