is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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