wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
