just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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