Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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